Before there was Mario Golf, We Love Golf, Outlaw Golf, Bill and Ted’s Excellent Golf (I believe I made this one up), and the bounty of all the other arcade-styled golf titles in the gaming landscape, there was the original Hot Shots Golf for the Playstation One. Numerous platforms and sequels later, and the Hot Shots franchise has finally entered "next-gen" with the arrival of Hot Shots Golf: Out of Bounds for the Playstation 3. Throughout the decade the series hasn’t had too many radical departures from previous entries. You could say that each game tries to stay as close to the highly regarded formula as possible, playing it safe. Out of Bounds takes playing it safe to a whole new level, but does this philosophy work in 2008?

Right away when you step into the clubhouse of Hot Shots Golf 5, you’ll notice that there isn’t that much of an array of options or modes to select from. I don’t see the logic in having a series enter the current generation of consoles and stripping away the many features of past installments (see Madden). It’s as if the developer thought that gamers wouldn’t need all those "bothersome" modes because they have those sweet "uber-graphics" now! No. Wrong. Incorrect. That’s garbage. We expect a lot more since you can fit more on a Blu-ray than you can a DVD or a Laserdisc or whatever the hell game consoles used last generation!

So with that said, HSG5 skimps on the options. The majority of your playtime will be spent in the Challenge Mode. This mode has players selecting from a variety of tournaments to participate in each with differing winning and weather conditions. Some are 9 hole, some are 18 hole, some are front-tee, some are back-tee, some will have high wind, some will have constant rain, some will penalize you for landing in a bunker or the rough, etc. These varying challenges are great and all, but when you realize there are, without downloading any new courses for approximate five or six bucks, there’s only a half-dozen courses to play through. You don’t even get to play the second course until you pass the first level of challenges. This means you’ll be constantly playing through a course again and again and again and again and ag– okay, I will stop now, but you get the idea. By completing challenges in certain difficulty level you’ll gain the ability to take on the, what I’m calling it, boss character in a match play competition. Outplay the character and not only will you be able to move onto the next golf bag-load of challenges, but you’ll also unlock that character to play as whenever you please. Additionally, completing a challenge earns you the chance to choose from six random prize cards. These unveil new equipment like upgraded clubs, balls, and new caddies. Unfortunately, there’s no option to accessorize your characters– a feature that the freaking PSP games have. 

Something that the newest installment of the PSP line of games has but Out of Bounds still bests is the online mode for those with a suitable connection. You select an avatar made up of hairstyles and costumes (additional costumes can be earned by completing in-game goals like hole-in-ones and long putts). You then can enter a lounge of other players, waltz around going after girl avatars (more like G.I.R.L. avatars), text chat with folks in the room, and play online games and tournaments. These tournaments can be played with up to an impressive fifty contenders… if you can find fifty contenders… You play with each shot of yours is timed so your party doesn’t have to wait up for your sorry self. Go back to the minors if you have to take a minute to sink a two-foot putt, pal! At the climax of each hole, your score is posted on the leaderboard to compare with others. Just don’t be surprised to see the incredible Japanese players dominating higher tournaments. Yeah, they got game. Regardless of who and where you play, you have at least one thing in common with everyone else– you have no voice chat. An adrenaline-packed game like Call of Duty 4 where jacked up 14 year-olds can call you racial slurs and combine fifty curse words into one sentence as if they’re clever has voice chat, yet a nice, sometimes relaxing game of golf is deprived of this. I would simply say to people, "Cheerio, old boy. Good shot. You’ll get them next time, by George!"

And good shots will come and bad shots will come, too. There’s so much to consider when playing a round of HSG. What’s my lie? What’s the wind velocity? Will my club trajectory be ruined by the wind? What is the slope of the green? Is it fast? Is it slow? Am I hitting on a slope? Do I need to hit harder since I’m in the bunker? What was that one funny scene with Bill Murray in Caddyshack? Oh, hell, they were all funny! Things like that will enter a serious player’s mind.

The traditional three-click swing interface has returned. For those uninformed, the standard swing mechanic in most golf titles is pressing a button once to start the swing meter, once to stop it at the opposite end to determine the power of your swing, and once more when it returns to its original position to measure the impact which affects how straight your shot will be. You can hold the d-pad in various directions while setting up your shot to enable topspin, backspin, slice, hooks, fades, shades, blades, and kickassery. Now perhaps I made some of those up, but the explanation still stands. The newest addition to this entry is the new swing mechanic which actually emulates your golfer’s swing. Instead of watching the meter, you actually watch your golfer. When your golfer swings back halfway, that’s 50% of your club’s power. When he or she swing back to a full arc, that’s 100% of your club’s power. The trick is estimating other percentages to make more difficult shots such as approaches and putts which are easier to make with the traditional interface. However, the benefit of the new mechanic is that you’ll gain extra yardage from your shots (approximately 20-30 more yards). Both systems have pros and cons to them, and it’s up to the player to decide which would benefit them on a given course with a given golfer. 

You see, there’s fifteen golfers readily available by the time the player marches through the many levels of the Challenge Mode. Each golfer has their own strengths and weaknesses. Novice golfers can’t hit as far as expert golfers can, but with expert golfers the margin for error on the impact of a shot is much greater and can be damning if that meter isn’t stopped in the split-second needed for a good shot. Certain characters are better in rough than others but they aren’t particularly fond of bunkers. Some characters play well in the rain while others’ skills are diminished when wet. Each golfer has their own attitude, funny taunts and animations, golfing and fashion style, short back story (via loading screens) and strengths and weaknesses. Currently there’s three more characters that can be purchased from the PSN store including brooding God of War hero, Kratos, in stellar form.

What isn’t quite in stellar form are the visuals. The environments on most courses are barren and static, and trees and other objects don’t seem to be affected by the wind whatsoever. Hot Shots Golf: Out of Bounds isn’t the most marveling technical or graphical achievement on the PS3, but it does have its moments. The overall look of the game, albeit quite simple in most aspects, is very sleek and clear. Character models are wonderfully detailed and come to life with great animation and personality. Audio-wise, series composer Gon Ohtsuji does an admirable job of creating tracks that aren’t grating, yet at the same time aren’t too memorable this time around even after playing the game’s six courses ad nauseum.

Hot Shots Golf: Out of Bounds is a mixed experience. On one hand you have the same excellent gameplay from previous chapters in the series. On the other you have the same excellent gameplay from previous chapters in the series with less courses than past installments including the latest PSP version with 12 courses, no off-the-wall modes that arcade golfers expect such as Ring Shot, Balloon Pop, and even Miniature Golf, less than expected graphics for the Playstation 3, and a frustrating, less forgiving game in later stages. Those who have played past Hot Shots Golf games will feel at home, but at the same time they might be expecting more from the Cell processor than what Clap Hanz has given us. The team really isn’t worth too much applause this time around considering you’d think a full-fledged PS3 game would derive more pleasure from me and options than several less-powerful PSP, PS2, and Wii games of the same genre.

 

 

When asked to write an essay on who I plan on supporting in the coming election, I was a little bit surprised. While I did know when I joined GamePartisan that I would be forced to talk politically from time to time, I can honestly say I didn’t expect it to occur this soon. This seems pretty naive, looking back on it, as we ARE very close to what may be the most important election in the past 16 years. After thinking long and hard about who I plan on supporting, I finally reached a conclusion, and decided that I would be swinging my support in favor of Bob Barr, the Libertarian candidate. As anyone who read Jeremy Bennett’s article will know, Barrack Obama was not his first choice. Sadly, this is true for me as well, as I had supported Ron Paul for the past year and a half, and was very disappointed upon his dropping out. And yes, I realize going into this article that Bob Barr isn’t going to win…the Libertarian party has nowhere near the support it needs to succeed. However, many of the points Bob Barr brings up ring true in my eyes, and I’d like to at least inform you, if not convince you to change your minds on, the politics of Barr.

I’ll start off by saying, I’ve always supported the Libertarian Party as opposed to the Democrat/Republican duo. This support means more to me now more than ever, as central government gains more and more power in the U.S.A., and individual rights get lost on the wayside. While I strongly dislike politics, I feel that I’m politically informed enough to state in the coming election, the Libertarian party is the lesser of 3 evils. This brings me to my first reason on why I support Barr: unlike the other candidates, he doesn’t seem to feel he needs to be completely in control of the country every second of the day. He’s willing to allow people to live their lives the way they see fit(to a legal degree), and chooses not to impede on their civil liberties, a problem that has occurred quite a bit during the current administration. I’ll be blunt in saying that pretty much every form of unnecessary government intrusion into my life makes me pretty fucking angry. While I’m not at the point where I’m running down the street screaming "Anarchy!" to my neighbors, I do believe that less intervention into private and business affairs by the government will improve the vast majority of American lives. And to any who are getting up-in-arms about my use of "vast majority" in favor of "all", I’ve got a big middle finger aimed at you. It is physically impossible, in this day and age, to make everyone happy. It cannot be done, and the fact that you even expect it makes me doubt the intelligence of people that think that.          

Another reason that I support Barr is his stance on the War in Iraq. While he supported it at the beginning, as many did, he now believes in a complete withdrawal from Iraq. I find this preferable to the policies of McCain, who has no clear idea on when a withdrawal can begin, and Obama, who believes in a withdrawal that keeps some forces in Iraq. I, however, personally believe that it’s time we completely end this war. We did many of the things we set out to do at the beginning of the war, including overthrowing a dictator, and that is admirable. However, it’s their country, and if so many Iraqis would rather watch it burn than accept our help, so be it. We have no debt to them, and it’s time we focused on internal problems in lieu of external ones. 

This brings me to my next, and final point: we need to put more effort into maintaining our economy, and reducing spending, and I think Bob Barr is the best candidate to do that. Aside from the complete removal of the money drain that is the Iraq War, he also advocates large reductions in government spending. While I don’t see reductions in government spending necessary forever, I do think that if they occur over a period of 10-20 years, it’ll drastically help the U.S. economy reset itself in a position of power, instead of the constant decline that we’ve all watched occur over the past 5 years. Barr is also against corporate welfare, which I support in the belief that America needs as much separation between government and business as possible. While I realize this is impossible on a grand scale, due to the nature of both types of organizations, I believe if the government doesn’t have the ability to dole out corporate welfare, we’ll have a great decrease in archaic and useless businesses, in favor of new, innovative businesses, who have to put more effort and skill into their work, as they can no longer be bailed out by the government.

As I stated at the beginning, Bob Barr is not my first choice. My first choice, Ron Paul, is no longer in the running, and so I chose Barr as the next best candidate. Do I agree with everything he says? Of course not. Do I believe he can get America excited in the way that Barrack Obama can, or have as much as a shot at winning as John McCain? No, I dont.   However, I believe in the coming election, and the next few years, Bob Barr has the potential to more effectively change American government, and a drastic change is what we need.

 

Current GamePartisan Staff Election Tally:

Barr (L) - 1

McCain (R) - 0

Nader (I) - 0

Obama (D) - 2

Cynicism is the most effective tool to utilize in making political decisions. It essentially boils down the White House race to a game of the lesser of two evils, saving you time and frustration. It also acknowledges the candidacies of third parties, but laughs at the idea that voting for them will do anything but take away votes from a more likely-to-win party. This was my main method of candidate selection for the few years since I was able to vote, and the decade or so before that. At least, it was. A few years before now a candidate stepped in that embodied my ideal politician so closely, that it made me think twice of reducing governmental policy to a “who do I dislike the least” process. He wasn’t perfect, and we disagreed on a lot of core issues, but what he broadcasted in speeches and rallies was the greatest political personality in recent history. A willingness to cooperate with both sides of the spectrum, an eagerness to please his demographic more than special interest, and most importantly, the ability to admit that he can be wrong, and a happiness to incorporate another views if presented with logic and rationality. I was ecstatic to see that this man was a primary candidate for the Democratic nomination, and hoped that he would be sitting the White House a ½ year from now. Unfortunately, John Edwards was quickly defeated in the Personality-Battle of Clinton and Obama, and disappeared off the Presidential map. The “lesser evil” game was afoot once again.

I never really sided with Madam Clinton, despite being an avid supporter of her husband. A woman so embalmed in an industry she tried to destroy years before screams of bad choice. From what the Right Side broadcasted, the candidates frightened the crap out of me. We had the Religious Zealot wanting to get rid of the Constitution in favor of a Bible-based doctrine; the renounced old men eager to switch sides at the drop of a dollar; and the businessman that would run the country in the least efficient way possible: as if it was an American corporation. Thankfully the least batshit candidate has gotten the for nod, and the Left has given Hillary encouragement for the next round, but a gentle kick out of the door for this one.           

Both sides seem a bit faulty at this point, changing their policies in directly after getting the nod; McCain stifled his liberal leanings on abortion/gay marriage even deeper, and Obama dramatically lengthened his timetable for Iraq Withdrawal from 3 months to around 19. This doesn’t speak well for either of them holding on to their values. But if one votes for a President in this snake-oil salesman phase of the election time cycle, they need to have their natural voting rights revoked. We are left then with the (current) stances of both men to determine where we most align with.

McCain was extraordinarily liberal for the new-Christian-Conservative class, hence the aforementioned switch. If he had stayed on his horse for the most part, it would have been a much tougher vote to make based on social issue. Although I think a man trapped in a Vietnamese P.O.V. camp for a decade deserves therapy rather than a candidacy. Now that McCain has assassinated his former, almost Nixon-Republican self, he and I stand at a divide on all things Abortion, Economy (Reagan is his idol, that can’t be good,) School Prayer, Gay Rights, Creationism, School Spending, Health Care, and “Homeland Security,” to highlight the main issues. His (non-corporate) Tax ideas are more align with traditional Conservative fiscal policy, which is his sole appeal for me at this point. But it will take a lot to get me to vote Republican, even if he returns to his previous liberal leanings, for the sole reason of his Foreign Policy. The man’s initiative can be summed up as he did this past January to a crowd of Polk City, Florida supporters, “…there will be other wars…we’re gonna have a lot to do.” When our current War has been far too much for us, both economically and socially, being eager for more is a sign of insanity, rather than anything else.  

Obama’s camp has practically trademarked the word “change” at this point. You’ll hear it more in news coverage of their rallies than you will walking down a street infested with desperate homeless people. Stance-wise Obama and I skip off hand-in-hand along the Iraq War, Government Reform (aka the “apologize for Bush and fix everything he did” initiative,) the Job Market, and pretty much everything I disagreed with McCain on. I support McCain’s nuclear power plan against Obama’s electric car batteries, and the conservative plan on Immigration is closer to functioning than anything the liberals have come up with. Obama does seem to be more open to revision on his policies than McCain, and his refusal to fall in line with the usual Election coverage nonsense of flag pins and the like is refreshing. The most probable Vice President to Obama seems to be Edwards, as the think tanks want to believe, so that pretty much tips Obama’s game to the “least likely to ruin the country any further” award.

In the days of news reports focusing more on candidate’s personal lives and habits rather than their policy concepts and ambitions, it’s hard to take anyone calling my cynicism at the political game serious. Being jaded is superior to stroking you ego by staying home on voting night, and it simplifies the nonsense both sides heap onto the ballets and television screens. Obama’s got the most “better than…” points, so he gets the cup this round. I’m confident in my assumption that he’ll get the Presidential prize as well, unless the K.K.K. have more money in Washington than I think.

 

Current GamePartisan Staff Election tally:

Barr (L) - 0

McCain (R) - 0

Nader (I) - 0

Obama (D) - 2

The election this fall is going to be a historic one, as everyone in America knows. Who knows, this may even bring the country out to vote for its own leader for once. So when I was approached to write this article I should have been brimming over with excitement, but I was only partly thrilled. Not that I don’t love to write for the site, it’s just that the topic of the office of President is not longer one that gets me that excited. I proudly say that I am, and always will be, a Clinton supporter all the way. While I will vote in the upcoming election, I do so only because she is not running and thus I cannot leave the running of the country up to her opposition. So, my hat off to you Mrs. Clinton, for I will always cast my ballot for you when your name appears on it. Now, onto the two candidates left. As should be obvious by now I am going to vote for Obama, but before you jump to any conclusions about me or my reasons hear me out and let me argue my point. I have narrowed it down to what I believe are the top 4 topics this year, at least to me.

The first, and always most important to me, is the issue of Civil Rights. Obama promises to pass the Employment Fair Pay Act to make sure that women get equal pay with men, a piece of legislation that should have been passed in the 70’s. Obama also has planned the Employment Non-Discrimination Act which prohibits discrimination due to sexual orientation, gender identity, or expression. I know some people may not agree with the gay community on issues, but the whole point of this country is to allow its members to be themselves – whoever they are – without fear of discrimination. I am an American too, and as a gay male I think I deserve the right to protect my job from judgmental employers. Obama will also work to strengthen laws against hate crimes, something made even more real to me here recently when a man opened fire and killed two people this week in a church down the street that I used to go to frequently. The topic of gay marriage and/or civil unions is a complicated one, and one that I know will not get resolved anytime soon. What is important to me though is that it seems that Obama is interested in making sure that all couples are allowed the same rights when they are in a committed relationship, whether they be gay or straight. Obama worked as a civil rights lawyer early on in his career and fought housing and employment discrimination. In the state senate he worked to pass racial profiling laws and in the US senate he has helped to reauthorize the Voting Rights Act. It is needless to say here that John McCain is against these principles on any and all levels.

The second issue important to me, and close to home since I am in nursing school and close to graduation, is that of healthcare. While John McCain only wants to help strengthen competition among insurance companies (which has worked amazingly so far) Obama wants to offer a plan to any and every person in this country regardless of health condition – something unprecedented and much needed in this country. The only problems are that people still have to pay for it, so it won’t help the homeless or poor (and probably even a lot of working class still), and there is no parity between mental health disorders and physical disorders. While these are significant flaws, this plan is still a phenomenal step forward for this country that needs to be taken – and won’t if McCain gets elected. Obama will also allow Americans to buy prescription drugs from other developed countries which means they will be much cheaper. He supports disease management programs for chronic conditions such as heart disease and diabetes that are on a drastic rise in the country in the provider’s offices that participate in his public plan. In the past he has supported, sponsored, and co-sponsored various healthcare reform bills.

Thirdly comes the situation in Iraq, and important one that drastically needs to be dealt with. Under Obama a new mission would be written: end the war. A slow and smart withdrawal of troops would start, ending in the summer of 2010 when a residual force would remain there to protect American interests. Pressure would be put on the Iraqi government to take responsibility for their country instead of just writing them a blank check as the current administration does. Obama’s plan would also provide at least $2 billion in humanitarian aid to help address the crisis there. Since 2002 Obama has spoken out against the war in Iraq and has essentially called it a drain on money, armed forces, and manpower.

The final issue, and quite an important one at that, is the economy. Obama’s plan includes tax rebates for the American worker, middle class tax relief through tax cuts for American families and eliminating income tax for seniors who make less than $50K (Um, My Dad), and fighting for fair trade. Obama also plans to invest in the manufacturing sector to create 5 million new green jobs as well as new jobs through a national infrastructure investment plan that works to update and take care of this country’s transportation byways – ports, highways, airports, etc. Obama supports small businesses with tax relief and business incubators. For labor Obama plans to ensure the freedom to unionize, raise minimum wage (hopefully making it somewhat closer to the living wage – the amount needed to actually live on in this country), and protect striking workers.

As always these are my opinions, and the statements on Obama and McCain reflect what I read on both of their official webpages. In this election, the candidate I wanted to win isn’t even running, but I have a consolation prize that may just make up for it. Obama is a fresh face and a new wave of change that is overrunning Washington. He has gotten this country excited again. This is what we need. We need to stand up together and be proud of country, but more than that – we need to be able to stand up and be proud. I haven’t been proud of this country lately and I know that if McCain wins this election those feelings won’t be changing. I can only pray that the rest of the country rallies behind this amazing man as well. People judge him and get mad at him over his eloquent speaking and demand for change, and all I can say is that if I were accustomed to listening to a bumbling idiot every day for 8 years and heard him I might be startled as well. In conclusion I want to share a quote from Mr. McCain’s own site that just made me sick. I don’t see how anyone can read this and not be as outraged as I am:

Stem cell research offers tremendous hope for those suffering from a variety of deadly diseases - hope for both cures and life-extending treatments. However, the compassion to relieve suffering and to cure deadly disease cannot erode moral and ethical principles.

I hadn’t gone into “Star Wars Day” at Comic Con expecting much on the game front, and for the most part, it was a just assumption. The trip to San Diego did, however, make for some interesting diversions in between Powerpuff Girls panels and the Kevin Smith Q&A. I put most of my time into the THQ and Konami booths, were I was able to stab my way through the lines to three titles for a quick jaunt: “Saint’s Row 2” and “Darksiders: Wrath of War” at THQ, and “Silent Hill: Homecoming” at Konami. With each title I averaged about 10-15 minutes, but thankfully the provided levels gave a good idea on what gamers can expect come future months.

Going into the game I had the same comparison in my head as everyone else: “God of War” meets “Devil May Cry,” with a splash of post-apocalyptic design and run-of-the-mill demon critters to slice open. I should preface this with the fact that this game, shipping in Q1 of 2009, is not final build, and as such is expected to get at least some polish before release. This was made especially apparent with the sputtering frame-rate and frequent load times. The demo consisted of a single level (most likely in the earlier part of the game) set in a crumbling temple cut underneath with a river of lava which would occasionally flow into the player’s path, leading to some simple jumping exercises. This was, as the developers explained to me, a “dungeon” level, which meant it didn’t feature the open-world aspects touted in press releases, and was a level the player entered from the sandbox for a specific task, which seems to be following a giant winged creature battling with a character in shining gold armor. The player is horseless and with War’s sword and a few spells, but nothing else. The player guides War through some “find a sword/key to open a door to a new area” exploration, tagging along the aforementioned battle sequence. Throw in the occasionally appearing demons of famous winged and grunt warrior, and types, and you have the idea. The game definitely feels like a middle child to Kratos and Dante, but from the combat choices the demo yielded, it came off as more “Devil May Cry,” especially with the difficulty curve pushing for button mashing rather than any real combo-stringing. The combat, deprived as it was, was intuitive, conforming with only slight pullback to your play style, be it aerial-centric or tank. The short bits of platforming players had to endure were also smooth and lead to a sense of power and weight with the character. The design is of the ramshackle buildings as expected, but its hard to gauge the overall effect on this side-quest level. The Horseman’s design is respectably intricate, and flows with movement and combat impressively. The creatures all have the same brown palette, save for the Ogre mini-boss, who sported blue-crystal armor and an Incredible Hulk-inspired color/build. All in all, we have seen these monsters before. I came away from this game slightly disappointed, shown things done better in other games, despite the bonuses of smooth platforming and excellent lead character design. Thankfully this game still has some polish to apply, and what is there is workable if not original. As long as the game stays to the epic vision of its designers and inspirations, what should come out will be better than shown.

This demo pit players directly at the game’s start, showing off its character creation hub and opening cinemas. The player goes through the tutorial prison outbreak, forced to keep alongside his homie (literally titled so) and kill/jump his way through various guards and obstacles to reach the docks. The cinemas are quite dated in terms of look and facial/voice design, but the creation menu is varied and good enough to avoid most complaint. Characters speak with expected thug vocabularies, but the feeling thankfully doesn’t descend into the cheesiness of most “gangsta” titles. The movement feels a bit loose and unrealistic, despite the acceptable movement motions, with your character jogging off at the slightest controller press. Combat is controlled with the two shoulder triggers and the attack button, and once the player gets used to it, the combat flows nicely. Same can be said for the jumping portions, despite them being confined to specialized locations (no free running or parkour here.) The shooting and cover system were functional, aside from that nothing stupendous. Picking up objects could be slightly irritating though, with guns and smaller objects taking a few tries to get into your hands. The final few minutes of the level felt like an escort mission, a bad sign for an open-world venture, and cut off a lot of fun in the gameplay, having to stay back with your slow homie and beat your way through waves of guards. You can revive your teammates, with liquor, at any time, which makes it slightly easier, but no less frustrating. What was shown looked pretty close to final build, if not the shipping version itself, and that’s disappointing because the cinemas look very bland, especially when inevitably pitted against Grand Theft Auto IV. Not much can be said for the free-roaming aspect, as there was none in the prison tutorial level, and the play-time allotment didn’t allow for anything more. This title comes off middle-of-the-road, with a decent combat system and passable dialogue; but with just plain bad looking cinemas and contrived platforming, one can only hope that the sandbox aspect can at least pit this game among the purchasable.  

 

By far the most surprising entry demoed, mostly because, when playable, it gives off a much cleaner and sharper feel then the press coverage has given credit to thus far. You guide the lead character through the prologue Hospital level, encountering several series-regular creatures in your attempts to get your brother. This was the only title to be placed side-by-side with the competing console versions, and the PS3 is noticeably superior with sharper textures and a deeper soundtrack. The grainy filters of fans expectations also appear stronger and creepier on the Playstation version. Comparisons between the last Resident Evil and this game will fill the forums soon, with button-prompted actions and quicktime events littering the level. Thankfully though, they are done well enough not to detract too much from regular gameplay, and create a sense of a more combat apt protagonist. Speaking of which, the updated combat system shines, being leagues ahead of past entries, and very smooth. Combat is controlled with a shoulder trigger and attack button, one can hold for a power attack or string together various combinations of smaller attacks, and it feels phenomenal for a series used to grungy-at-best fighting. The wounds that appear on the monster’s flesh, however, look like someone spilled jam at odd angles, rather than realistic-looking wounds, and appearing at the same places each time makes this mechanic look tacked on and gratuitous. The 360-degree camera doesn’t cut out as much of the suspense as fans may think, but it will leave players missing the limited but dramatic angles of yore. Cinemas and their character/vocal designs are as bad as shown previously, and this appears to be final build, so players will be stuck with the poor synching and mapping they have seen so far. This is lessened somewhat but a well-executed dialogue tree option, but not by much. As far as scares, it seems much more in line with the first three “Silent Hill” titles than expected, with Akira Yamaoka’s score being the reliable best, and the level design much grittier than previously shown. The game does go for more intense scares than needed in the series, and the demo didn’t leave time to build any psychological or philosophical frights, but the atmosphere is there, with key-holding bodies chopped in half and baby-cries leading to burnt dolls in incubation chambers. “Homecoming” comes away better than expected, but still clinging to the problems it’s had for months.  

That’s it for the demos most attractive on the Comic Con show floor. Chances are E3 has already made up Gamers’ budgets, but there are still chances for surprises in the coming lineup, and that any expectations can be changed with picking up the controller.

My parents lied to me, as I am sure yours have to you. My folks encouraged this love for books that I developed at a young age, I was devouring Ronald Dahl books like “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” when the rest of my class was struggling through “Go Dog, Go.” They were so pleased in my burgeoning imagination that they eagerly took me to the bookstore at the slightest provocation, enthralled to see me spend the day in a poufy red armchair going through a series of “Goosebumps” and “Animorphs.” If they were worried about my lack of friends through middle school, they didn’t show it too much.

A strange thing occurred at my family’s move to Northern California, I was given the task of reading for assignment rather than pleasure. For the first time in my young life, the books took effort to go through, the pressure of the deadline constantly disrupting any flow I could get within the text. It didn’t help that the majority of the homework-novels were overrated trash like “To Kill a Mockingbird.” That, combined with an entrance into a social life with a chick destined to wind up pregnant at 14, made my taste for books weaken. This wouldn’t have been a problem if my mind could focus on daily life without the escapism that books had provided. Normalcy was so damn boring, even with my two-years-too-early sexual and social experimentation. Lack of dragons and vampires will do that.  

But a similar revelation occurred at my entry to high school, I began to make friends through my knowledge and love for Dungeons and Dragons. I had always been a Genesis kid, with occasionally borrowed PC titles like my stepfather’s “Might and Magic” series and “The Curse of Monkey Island,” but this was the first time gaming found its way into my adolescent psyche alongside books as solace. This was gaming before the plunge into mainstay frag-fests, and thankfully before the term “casual gamer” existed. The Playstation 2 was finally heating up and I began devouring titles like “Final Fantasy X” and “Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance.” I found my way back to the PC for the “Diablo” series, and took the next few Nintendo handheld incarnations with me wherever I went. My universe exploded with the idea of a medium that didn’t remind me of school, and I have been a gamer ever since. My love for the medium has grown alongside my personal and emotional development leading me back to the text-based “Zork” series and to demos of the newest and greatest. I have watched in a sort of childish happiness, as what was essential a hobby and a good time with friends be acknowledged on the grand stage, exploding into an influx of creative talent behind my soon-to-be-favorite games.

After dabbling in erotic forums, I applied the skills that got me the highest grades in English and began writing about what playing games inspired in me, allowing my once condemning imagination to expand the universes beyond that which videogame technology could handle. Through the next few years I would revert back to my love of reading, but this time it would be attempting to keep up with my thoughts and typing. I was hesitant to get into the blogging, seeing the torrents of gossip-laden shallow-fests on the internet, but thanks to summer boredom I swallowed my pride and began posting my thoughts online for the world to see, getting some decent viewership out of it, to my surprise. It was in this passion for textual expression that I was noticed and put on a publicized pedestal for my work, bringing me in a demented circle in my relationship with the written. My interest in gaming culture has only grown since then, with life-experience adding new layers to gameplay, and new excuses to pick up a controller. Find a moral in this and I’ll kill you.

Going into Ninja Gaiden 2, I had the basic gist of what to expect. A veteran of the series, I had played Ninja Gaiden and Ninja Gaiden Black, and while I wasn’t the best at these games, I had gotten used to the intense difficulty and speed of the gameplay, and I was expecting it in Ninja Gaiden 2. Sadly, Ninja Gaiden 2 doesn’t quite live up to its predecessors.

Developed for the Xbox 360 by Team Ninja, Ninja Gaiden is your traditional fast-paced hack and slash game, although it does require more combo mastery than most hack and slash games. The game takes place after the events of the Ninja Gaiden:Dragon Sword, a DS-exclusive title. It follows Ryu Hayabusa, who returns from the other Ninja Gaiden games to fight the Black Spider Ninja Clan. Aside from this little bit of knowledge, the game’s story never truly progresses, and it’s really an unnecessary part of the game…this game does just fight without a complicated, well-plot out story like Metal Gear Solid’s, and it’s better because of it. When I play as a badass Ninja, I wanna feel like a badass Ninja:barely talking, always killing. And this game accomplishes that.         

The combat displayed in previous games returns, with some notable improvements. For example, Ryu has new execution moves, in which he rips his enemies limb from limb. Aside from that, the developers added quite a few weapons to the mix, all with different attacks, aside from the Ninpo(magic) moves, making fights much more layered and fun. However, just like in previous games, the camera hampers the fun somewhat, as sometimes you’ll lose site of Ryu behind a wall, and he becomes totally vulnerable during these points. Also, enemies have the ability to attack from off-screen, a major annoyance, as you can be killed by enemies you can’t even see. While the game does have four gameplay types, the easiest shouldn’t even be played if you’re not a casual gamer…and chances are if you bought Ninja Gaiden 2, you’re not a casual gamer. Stick to the harder difficulties, because despite quite a few points where the game does grow pretty hard, especially during confusing boss fights, this game’s difficulty never reaches that of the higher levels of Ninja Gaiden Black, a fact which may disappoint the more hardcore game in search of a challenge. However, the huge moveset and variety of weapons should appeal to anyone with a desire to truly master the combat, and not just button mash their way through every boss fight. Also, as you’re forced to block quite a bit, as the enemy A.I. is unforgiving, but you’ll also be forced, in between blocks to constantly move, as this is a fast paced game, and if you’re not attacking, you need to be constantly attacking. If you’re not moving, you’re dying, as hesitation will have you on the ground in seconds.

Aside from the occasional framerate drop, this game is very impressive graphically when you consider the amount of enemies it has on-screen at once. Aside from crisply displaying all of Ryu’s attacks, it also keeps the rest of the setting and the enemies in focus, ensuring that you never see a muddy, unclear background or enemy. However, the graphics never have a chance to truly strain themselves, as the game is full of fixed environments, being completely linear.

While the enemy A.I. has been seriously improved since the previous games(enemies constantly keep attacking, and are relentless to the point of madness), at times it can become grating, as they now use shuriken and other long range projectiles quite often. This is somewhat offset by the inclusion of a rechargeable health bar(which seems to be in every game now), but its still tiresome to constantly be forced to dodge. However, there’s such a wide variety of enemies, that you’ll actually enjoy fighting new enemies, as they all have different strategies of attack, and they force you to be inventive in your combat tactics.          

There’s nothing much to be said about Ninja Gaiden 2’s sound…it’s not great, but it’s also not bad. The soundtrack, while not phenomenal, is fun to listen to, and is definitely one of the better soundtracks I’ve heard this year. While the voice acting isn’t amazing, it’s also not helped at all by the script, which is generic and poorly written. It just feels like it was written slightly last minute, and you somewhat lose a feel for the characters after listening to them. My advice: go online and read the game’s story, if it truly matters to you, and turn the volume off during the cutscenes, so you can just admire the graphics.

In my humble opinion, Ninja Gaiden 2 is an improvement on its predecessors in almost every way. It has great combat, with great variety both in attacks, weapons, and enemies, great graphics, great A.I., and good sound. However, it’s not all good, as the boss fights are unforgivable and annoying, the story is unnecessary (something I’ll almost never say about a video game) the camera can be very bad at times, and difficulty goes from being incredibly easy, to pretty damn hard without any middle ground. If you’re a fan of Ninja Gaiden, or just hack and slash games in general, then this is a definite buy. If not, I would still recommend renting this, as every needs some violent action games from time to time. If the violence bothers you, just tell yourself it relieves stress, and you’ll have a blast with Ninja Gaiden 2.

I never thought I was any good at writing. My grades in middle school were all the proof I needed. I barely scraped by in English during high school, where writing essays about J.D Salinger were the equivalent of bamboo under my fingernails. Now that I am in college, I look back on my laboring over those essays with a bit of tearful lament, now that I have to write about Jane Austin (a classic example of, "out of the frying pan, into the fire"). Yet, the more I wrote, the more I realized that I wasn’t a bad writer, so much as I wrote on subjects I did not want to write about. When I took the time to pen an article, a blog, or a review on video games, movies, anime or certain political happenings, I liked what came out, and so did most who read them. Their praise and support was what I needed to fuel my writing, like throwing gas on a raging fire. However, it seemed that my time writing on video games was not well spent. Sure, it was nice to hear words of praise on a job well done, but it seemed, for lack of a better phrase, that my work wasn’t going anywhere. Worst of all, the amount of money I spent on renting games had put a serious drain on my personal finances, with the reviews doing nothing to recoup their cost. Like a car stuck in mud, furiously spinning its axels in a desperate attempt to escape the grimy sludge, I was stuck in what seemed a fruitless and dirty situation. Then, along came GamePartisan, the AAA tow truck service to my mud-stricken car, to lend me a hand and help me go somewhere with my writing. So, as I sit here in my mostly broken swivel chair, typing away on my iMac, I look upon my own personal history of video games, and invite you to join me in my trip down virtual memory lane.

I never really owned a game console until I was about eleven. Up until then, I mainly played on my older brother’s Nintendo systems. The NES, the SNES, the N64, these three systems were the only ones that existed in my virtual world. Sega Genesis who? Atari 2600 what now? Thumbing through my brother’s old issues of Nintendo Power and replaying those same nine or so games on their respective consoles, my ten-year-old mind was content to live in this world. Yet, something happened to shake me from my closed off virtual realm. Something called the Playstation. All of a sudden, there were more games to play, more experiences to be felt, more worlds to conquer, and most importantly, more controls to remember. I received my Playstation on my eleventh birthday along with the game Chrono Cross, and I have never looked back. Well technically, I did look back just now in order to write this paragraph, but you get the idea. 

From the Playstation, I went onto the Playstation 2, the Playstation 3, the Game Boy, the Game Boy Advance, The Gamecube, the Wii, the Xbox, and the Xbox 360. I even had a brief stint with the Atari Jaguar (your apologies are greatly appreciated). Though, on recollection, I do believe that the Playstation 2 was the console that made me realize how passionate for video games I was. I can even pinpoint the game that created this breakthrough: Metal Gear Solid 2. I had played the original MGS back on the Playstation, and I thought it was an incredible game, and I still think it’s the best Metal Gear game bar none, but the first sequel was the one that made an emotional connection with me. The scene where Emma dies in Hal’s arms? Yeah, that did it. It was then I realized how a game can have an emotional connection with a person, and how overlooked video games are in terms of being considered an artistic outlet in media. It seemed however, that I was quite alone in that sentiment, since most of my classmates were only into the hot new FPS that just hit shelves, Halo.

Suddenly, I became the proverbial pariah for not thinking that Halo was the Second Coming of Christ like everybody else did in my school. Not helping the situation was the fact that I was a fan of the latest installment of the Final Fantasy series, Final Fantasy X. What could be more of a departure from Halo than ANY of the Final Fantasy games, let alone X. One guy even took a swing at me because he overheard me talking about how much I liked it. I became disillusioned to gaming culture about then. There was a time where I didn’t want anything to do with video games at all, because I’d be unfairly grouped in with The Halo Nation. But again, along came a game that shook me out of my angst, and reminded me why I loved video games in the first place: Indigo Prophecy. After playing it, and experiencing the masterful, immersive atmosphere, all the excitement I felt when I was a child whenever I picked up a controller came back to me in a brilliant flash. And in that brilliant flash, I realized that I could handle being grouped in with the Halo heads, because whether they realized it or not, we were the same. We were both indulging in our respective fantasies, theirs being fighting aliens with futuristic weaponry, while mine being caught in an extraordinary circumstance in snow-ridden New York.  

I had come full circle. From being youthfully exuberant whenever I could get Mario to correctly jump over a piranha plant, to being overwhelmed with new experiences, to being coldly indifferent, and back to youthful exuberance. I continue on with my writing and my critiquing to not only give my opinion on games today, but to also let everyone know why I love video games.

*Raises his imaginary mug of ale* To the future.

Why me? Why must I endure this degradation over and over again? Somehow I get locked into reviewing these games, and I reluctantly acquiesce, knowing full well that, year in and year out, there is the potential for me to stir up a fresh batch of controversy.  

On one front, I really must congratulate EA. In the past, they’ve been heavily criticized (by myself and others in the gaming press) for painting an obligatory fresh coat of paint on their sports titles, giving their games an update that is little more than a lick and a promise, and shipping them out as little more than minor upgrades on the prior year’s release. This year’s collegiate football offering certainly does not fit within the same piecemeal category. NCAA Football 09 sports a seemingly overhauled graphics engine, has outstanding presentation (even better than prior years where EA had it nailed) and gameplay that is highlighted by a radically changed passing game. This year’s release looks and feels much different than last year’s. So on that count, I must congratulate Electronic Arts for truly making a genuine effort to significantly expand and improve upon last year’s game.

They indeed made an effort, but it is an effort that, unfortunately, comes up just shy of a proverbial first down. 

With an exclusive license comes an obligation to the gaming community. Electronic Arts wanted to prevent the competition from even entering the field of play, forcing every gamer to either buy their collegiate and NFL titles or sit the next few season out.

With that said, to my friends, my enemies, to the many gamers and the twelve tribes scattered abroad, Electronic Arts has failed us all. In NCAA Football 09 they have delivered a college football offering that can hardly be described as anything other than broken. Why? Oh don’t worry. I’ll more than readily get to that. 

So after standing in line for more than an hour, waiting with utmost anticipation for this shrink-wrapped tripe, I sped home with my brother-in-law, anxious to taste what EA promised was their greatest college football offering to date.

From the outset I tell you that the visuals are indeed improved. The animations for tackles (particularly gang-tackles), receptions, blocking and, above all, throwing the football, are all vastly improved. Moreover, gone are the generic stadiums of yesteryear, with virtually every school (at least the ones I played) having its own, specific arena given the full detail by EA & co. The stands are no longer filled with clusters of smeared, pixilated mockeries of what you and I refer to as fans; instead, we’ve got individually animated masses that match the glory of the chants and cheers that are to be heard over your surround-sound speaker setup. 

The stands are full of hooligans ready to urge you onward when you’re at home, ready to assail your very being when you’re on the road. EA did a good job, with some pretty clever, lifelike chants to accompany the ebb and flow of the game appropriately enough. One close home game, which I snuck out of with a three-point win, came to a close with my student body singing, “Nah nah nah nah, hey hey hey, goodbye!” Classic. The marching bands play the themes corresponding to their schools, et cetera et cetera. You get the picture. If it makes sense, it’s here. EA did an all-around bang-up job on the audio. Lee Corso, Kirk Herbstreit and Brad Nessler once again fill out the commentary and make a respectable showing with their performance. My one gripe here, however, is that I’m still hearing some of the same lines that were in use five years ago. Literally. Is it too much to ask that an all-new script be used and we not hear lines that we’ve been hearing for the past half-decade or so? I mean, honestly though.

But I digress. I’ve got bigger fish to fry. 

I have always felt, with girls, that for a girl with a beautiful face, she could overcome any shortcomings in the physique department. She could get away with having little to no body with her face. On the same token, a girl with an average face but a great body? Evil woman, get away. Sorry, but that’s just the naked truth. Where am I going with this?

I’ll fill you in with pleasure. 

A video game with average everything, but sterling gameplay? That’s passable. Having stunning visuals and a chest-pounding soundtrack can only carry a game so far. Where it counts is the gameplay.

When it comes to me and NCAA Football 09, this is where the other shoe drops. 

When you have the exclusive license, must you really try so hard to please? Gamers buy your latest football offering, or they sit the year out. I decided to play for several reasons (chief among which was so that our readers could be educated on the truth of the matter) and have now found myself at this critical juncture: do I once again spill my guts and tell the truth, bringing on yet another controversy for myself and my fellow editorial staff members here at GamePartisan, or do I tuck tail and grovel before the seemingly relentless, all-encompassing behemoth that is Electronic Arts?

Come on, gimme a break. It’s me. We’ve arrived at the gameplay, and it’s gut-check time. Time to roll up your sleeves, sweetheart… 

…and take the truth: this game is broken. That’s right. Broken. The running game, for what it’s worth, is effective on both sides of the ball. Running backs must use new, heavily-emphasized cutback lanes or they will be swallowed up at the line of scrimmage. On the same token, any ball carrier, whether they be a running back, wide receiver, on special terms, or a defender who has come up with the ball, must make wise use of their opportunities, or they will get very little yardage. This part of the game delivers.

However, I made use of the phrase “for what it’s worth” because Electronic Arts deliberately placed a tremendous amount of the burden for this year’s game on “wide-open” offense. They implicitly stated this. The problem is, there’s very little way to counter this. 

You whiny, popped-collar, fratboy EA fanboys out there probably nearly spilled your beer in the midst of your consternation over this portion of the review, asking if this small amount of bitching was really going to make me give the game a negative review.

The answer is yes, because it’s no small bitch we’re dealing with here. The biggest problem here is not only is the passing game broken, it’s over-utilized. It’s implemented so that the computer A.I. uses it even the most unrealistic circumstances. Second and one at your thirty, they’re trying to make a comeback, and even when the most senseless of all players in the world would call a short run to reduce the risk of a turnover and continue their march toward the endzone, guess what? They throw the ball. And guess what? Nine times out of ten, there is no way on God’s green Earth for you to stop it. Sure, select nickel or dime formation and call a cover two. Cover three. Hell, call prevent. The passing game is so broken the ball comes out of the quarterback’s hand at about three-hundred miles per hour, your defenders are rarely (and I mean rarely; literally, RARELY) even remotely near enough to the ball to make any kind of play on it, and then the plethora of moves at the ball carrier’s disposal make it exceedingly difficult to then bring about an open-field tackle. 

If you think I’m jesting, or exaggerating, go ahead, bump the difficult up above a nominal, elementary setting and see for yourself: the quarterback’s release is unrealistically fast, your defenders will not be in position to make the play, and then making the open-field tackle can be next to impossible. No defense you call will rarely manage to put you into position to counter this.

Oh, and better yet, your chief mechanism for slowing down the passing attack, often referred to as the “pass rush”, is virtually non-existent. The offensive line’s pass protection is akin to that of a NFL Pro Bowl squad, and your defenders are so slow in pursuit that even with an all-out, seven or eight man quarterback pass blitz, you will be lucky if the quarterback has less than five full seconds of time in a perfect pocket in which to make a decision. 

I cannot go on at any length long enough to stress just how badly broken the passing game is. Unfortunately, the computer A.I. is aware of just how effective it is for them to air it out, and they will assail your porous defense with every kind of passing attack imaginable, and they will defeat you. Your only answer is to play on Freshman difficulty or knock the custom A.I. difficulty sliders down to negligible levels, and then…what fun is that?

It’s either impossibility, or no challenge whatsoever. 

Take your pick, yes, pick your poison, but are you sure this experience is worth sixty dollars?

I’m certain it isn’t, and shame on you EA for delivering this experience at that pricepoint. And shame on my counterparts in the gaming press who are already delivering glistening reviews to this game. Any game journalist who is so depraved and so thoroughly deceitful as to sit down and write anything near a glowing review of this game deserves to be pistol-whipped. 

Oh, and new, rinky-dink features like being able to celebrate with the mascot do make for an amusing, post-touchdown diversion, but I wasn’t diverted enough to be able to get over the fact that by the third quarter my A.I. opponent had already hurled five long touchdown passes. [Expletive deleted], EA.

So go ahead: crank up the hatemail machine into full gear. This ain’t my first rodeo. And yeah, EA, I want my money back. Again.

Make no mistake, however: I am not calling Electronic Arts malicious. I’m going further than that. I’m clearing my throat and out and out calling them downright incompetent. Shame on you, EA, for putting this clearly unfinished, frightened freshman-of-a-game out on the field like it’s some senior, finished product. Shame!

The Turok series was once mentioned in the same breath as other excellent N64 FPS’s such as Goldeneye and Perfect Dark. I still have very fond memories of the the first two Turok games. However, since then the Turok series has shot straight down. Now it is known for absolutely atrocious games. Let me tell you this: This isn’t the game to revitalize the once excellent series that is now on life support.

First off, the graphics aren’t impressive at all. Now, I’m not a graphics whore. I still pull out my old NES and SNES games. However, by todays standards, Turok just isn’t that impressive. It reminds me of early next-gen games like Quake IV and Call of Duty 2. Sure, when they were released in 2005 they were impressive. Nowadays, however, that sort of shoddy work is considered sub par. Expect that sort of detail in Turok. The character models are especially bad, showing a low level of detail. Don’t expect the facial models that games such as Gears of War and Mass Effect have showcased.

At least the landscapes start out nice. The forests are lush and you find yourself admiring them at first. However, the scenery rarely changes. You are likely to see the same vegetation and the same dead animal parts multiple times. Throw in the occasional bland complex and you’ve got the makings of terrible level design. Well…Perhaps terrible is too harsh of a word. Suffice to say they take the over-used bits of FPS builds and toss them all together with just a couple pinches of greatness. A few of the levels were quite original, like one where you run along twisting tree trunks while shooting at enemies above and below you moving along the same twisted paths. However, moments like that are few and far between.

Next would be the audio, which is so forgettable that I actually almost forgot to address it in this review. Imagine that eh? The music is nothing special, and can become quite repetitive if you actually listen to it. I tended to drown it out while I played, focusing on other elements. The voice-acting was decent, which is something I can’t say for a lot of the game. It was applied well, and none of the characters spoke overly much. The only time I found it annoying was whenever the main character, Turok, would speak. Thankfully the man is more of a silent protagonist (with the occasional one-liner), or else I would’ve been muting the cut-scenes. Well, what about the sounds and noises that make up the bulk of the audio category you may ask…Equally as forgettable as the music. Turok doesn’t go out of its way to make this world believable. Few atmospheric sounds, yawn inducing gunfire and explosion, and dinosaur sounds that seem to be ripped straight from Jurassic Park are about the best that Turok boasts.

Now, I can forgive a game for repetitive and bland level design (as well as forgettable audio) if it offers up some excellent gameplay…namely a system that keeps me craving more. With Turok, I thought they would surely go the way of Far Cry and make it a sandbox FPS…Ha! I was quite wrong, to say the least. In fact, Turok is one of the most linear FPS’s in recent memory. The game is careful to push you in one direction, occasionally throwing in an illusion of choice: You get to pick which way to go when you come upon a fork in the road. However, both ways are almost always uneventful and lead to the same place shortly after.

If this turn of events wasn’t frustrating enough, Turok’s action is just as predictable. It’s the same FPS fare, except without a flare of genius. It has the standard guns, and most can be dual-wielded (2 shotguns? Um?). The AI enemies that you throw yourself up against keep you constantly wondering if they will be smart or stupid. At one point I had enemies flanking me in a pincer-like movement. Upon firing on one group, both took cover. In taking cover several had their posteriors sticking out, which allowed me to quickly mow down one group and move to the other. One moment they’ll be pinning you down, then you throw a grenade and they just stand there. That, ladies and gentlemen, is called bad AI. However, don’t let me forget the knife attacks which make many enemies far too easy. Once you get your knife (within the first 15 minutes) you can do a stealth kill at close range. This makes many of the weapons you have virtually useless, as any dinosaurs or humans that get close up will fall prey to it: Instant Death. Why use that nice shotgun when a knife will suffice?

I could no doubt go on and on detailing "small deficiencies" like the spotty hit detection and the ability for enemies to take several head shots from one gun but only one from another…but I feel I should move on to the story which provides plenty of opportunities to cringe. Sure, I didn’t expect Final Fantasy or Baldur’s Gate when I popped the game in my system…But I did expect something interesting. Instead I get a man with a midget Mohawk who’s apparently supposed to be Indian with a head shaped like a badly bruised prune. I said to myself at that point: "Okay, just a crappy main character, nothing to fear." It got worse. His former mentor has broken the law and fled to a remote planet. Cliche, but perhaps it would get better? Let me tell you all this: It doesn’t. The story makes little sense, and when it does make sense it is so cliche and overused as to make you cringe. I expected better than this.

What’s funny now, folks, is that the parts that shine the most are the parts that don’t make that much of a difference: The controls and camera system. Mind you, there’s really nothing special about them (which describes the game as a whole). However, the controls are fairly responsive, with a few small things that don’t do much to detract from the game. The only glaring weakness is the unresponsiveness of getting the knife attacks to work. You generally have to jam on the button hoping that the game reacts to one of those presses. The camera is a bit sluggish at times, but I found it to be reliable. Sure, it doesn’t zip as fast as you want it without a little tweaking, but again…it doesn’t detract from the gameplay and can be fixed fairly easily.

I have watched the Turok series evolve from the first to the latest. Before this version, each game was worse than its predecessor…This one is in no way as bad as Turok: Evolution, but it isn’t that much better. It’s definitely not worth a purchase if you don’t have any interest in single player, as what little of worth there is to play is online. This game didn’t feel done in places, and it definitely didn’t feel polished. I highly recommend a rent only, even if you are a long time Turok fan. This is not the game of old.

“Tell me all you know about sheepskin condoms,” I said. Consternation dampened the glib mood I had intended to create with the remark. The request (or demand, depending upon the mental state of the one with ears to hear) was supposed to cause a spontaneous outburst of laughter. It was one of those entirely random things you might say to cause the hearer to be so overwhelmed by its spontaneity that they cannot help but be moved by the sheer, intellectual prowess of your impromptu speaking potential.

My forensics coach would surely never approve.  

At any rate, this humorously-intended appeal for knowledge would not be met with any sort of acquiescence by my counterpart. Instead, I was met with the grim realities involved in waking up an R.A. at exactly 4:02 AM because I, for once, locked my own keys inside of my dormitory cell. All of the harshness of such a move was on display for all who assume that their Resident Assistant shares your ungodly sleep habits.

Dare I exacerbate the threat his glare intended any further?

At this point, I did not feel inclined to such clandestine heroics. I had already run the gauntlet tonight. I had endured the short-lived pleasures and equilibrium-jolting ends of narcotic abuse. For I, fitting in somewhat with the whole “free, white and twenty-one” social caste, had obtained a consortium of alcoholic liquors and stimulants as a means to an end. “And to what outrageous end?” one might demand.

“What end” indeed.

You know you have fouled up your prospects for an eventual friendship with your collegiate demi-gods, those erratic, ever-roving R.A.’s when, upon granting you re-admission to your cell via a useful device known as a spare key, they acknowledge your thanks with little more than a primordial grunt.

What was the meaning of this exchange that only a true pithecanthropus erectus could appreciate?

I managed to work my way through the dark room and found myself in the chair betwixt the bed and the desk. It was directed at an odd angle towards some corner of the room or another, and thus nearly spilled me onto the floor. Avoiding such a crude end by no small amount of commotion, I began to recall all that had occurred on this bleak, humid evening.

Since the very start of this semester, I had been thoroughly enjoying my classes. Very few people are probably as happy in their fifth semester with the major they chose in their second semester. I happen to be one of those proud few. Or, as some of the more pious, neo-conservative members of our student body might suggest, one of the elect. If by election you mean in the same fashion as George W. Bush, circa. 2000, then by all means: no thank you, kindly.

At any rate, on most evenings, upon finishing the various studying commonly associated with being an International Economics major, my behavior tends to differ from that of many college youths. Instead of meandering about the campus in search of some hapless female student to infuse with my family’s rich genetic heritage, I opt to fire up my ageless Xbox and search the dormitory network for other gamers in search of digital enjoyment.

Our poison? Our gratuitous medium of choice?

None other, my fine, unwitting readers, than Halo 2.

This is a fine choice because, as a multi-platinum title, many people possess it and therefore I do share this common vice with the uncouth, mongrel hordes of my generation. I love Halo and its successor.

This is beside the point, however. Upon the resumption of classes this fall, I began making a name for myself in the form of the timid moniker “Richard Nixon”. Those gamers sporting headsets would bellow, “Who the [expletive deleted] is Richard Nixon?” This question would often be followed by, “I don’t know the [expletive deleted] and still this, this Nixon is damned good!”

I’m not the best amongst our heroic circuit, mind you. Not usually, at any rate.

But tonight…ah yes, tonight, this was to be different. I was armed to the teeth with an advantage that few facing me in the arena could fathom. Equipped with an inadvisable amount of alcoholic beverages and stimulants (such as ginseng, L-Arginine and cocaine) in my bloodstream, I took on all comers. My team always prevailed; even under normal circumstances I am the consummate team player. This is probably because my unflappable loyalties go far beyond the normal confines of friendship: I always do my utmost to watch the proverbial backs of my teammates. Thus, in a team slayer match, rarely does a fracas break out in which I do not make an attempt to dip my oar in and end it with either an assist or a kill on my own merit.

It was at the very height of my glory, after more than three hours of this kind of fabled behavior, at nearly 4 AM, that the females arrived. They muddied the otherwise pure, unspoiled waters of our manly struggles with their loud, obnoxious and openly-social presence.

One of these rambunctious social butterflies finally took a breath long enough that she noticed one kill on-screen was attributed to some “Richard Nixon”.

“Who is Richard Nixon?” she asked in a genuinely curious tone.

My friend nudged me. For this was no run-of-the-mill female, it would seem. Apparently she was in possession of the kind of human anatomy most of the male gender would willingly crawl through an army of Amazonian Fireants just to be near.

“Why he was the 37th president of the United States,” was my halfway-exasperated reply. “In opening trade with Red China, he is largely responsible for authoring what is arguably the most important economic event in American history. He managed to reduce overall defense spending and end American involvement in the Vietnam Conflict in what he rightfully termed ‘an honorable conclusion’, and not at peace at any price as those worthless, ignorant and hopelessly shaggy peaceniks so desperately desired. His administration sponsored many of the just, progressive civil rights laws that we hold dear today in spite of him receiving next to no credit for it. He also got the Russians to reduce their arms spending. After his resignation, largely attributed to the crisis involving that ridiculously-overblown third-rate burglary…”

“Dude.” My friend went beyond nudging me this time. He outright bumped my arm, jolting me from my otherwise intense mental state. For I was a man intent on exorcising the unfriendly confines of this deadly arena, on ridding it of hostile occupation. What exactly could he have meant by this rude and awkward kind of arousal?

I looked up, only to see this saucy freshman dressed in unnecessarily expensive clothing. Her eyes were fixed upon me in an uncertain manner. But then, with a weighty toss of her hair from one shoulder to the other and the closing of a previously agape mouth, I understood: she was inquiring as to which poor fool was uncool enough to have “Richard Nixon” as his GamerTag. She would rather have had her eyes gouged out with a rusty set of Hittite eating utensils than hear me go on at length about my political idol, one Richard Milhous Nixon of Yorba Linda, California.

Should I attempt to resurrect my prospects with this woman, seemingly devoid of any intellectual understanding beyond the friendly confines of her brothel (commonly referred to as a girl dormitory)? Should I inform her how as a “Nixon-Rockefeller Republican” I was actually amongst the number of rational centrists in the Grand Ole Party who are in possession of good sense?

With no further thought I exited my character from the game, and bid my friends goodnight. They naturally protested, citing uneven teams as an allegedly-valid reason for me staying the course and seeing this particular conflict through to an honorable conclusion.

It was not to be born, though. This female clearly did not share my sentiments on the matter. She attempted to console me and requested that I stay and continue playing, claiming she meant no offense by the question.

I merely proceeded with my quiet exit. No offense had been taken. In reality, I felt quite sorry for her, and so I attempted to give her one final chance to redeem herself:

“Who is Master Chief, and if he were alive today, in this day and age, would he be a dove or a hawk?”

My question seemed to brighten her eyes for a moment, and so brightened the prospects of sharing a moment with her in my eyes.

She flashed a half-seductive grin, and softly brushed my chest with her hand. “God, you’re cute.”

“Wrong answer, missy,” came my swift, curt reply as I turned and walked away, Xbox controller in tow.

“Wait,” she blurted out unprompted. “A hawk? Right? That sounds tougher than a dove.”

I stopped and turned toward her. “Play to your strengths.” I attempted to continue my journey back to my own dormitory, but it was not to be. Not yet.

“What do you mean?” came her reply, genuinely devoid of any understanding.

“I mean play to your strengths: T&A, and not wit, is your yellow brick road to success.”

The emotion behind the next exclamation was anticipated: “What?!”

I turned again to face her. “Look, you dim-witted fool! Go read some Capoti, Shakespeare, some Crowley, some Machiavelli, some Dante Alghieri or even some Nixon if you want to know what I was going on about earlier. That sort of writing will set you well on your way. Or not. You could continue along the same pathway of Milli Vanilli.”

Her facial expression temporarily eroded from anger and shock to amused uncertainty. “What do you mean?”

I sighed, nearly content to give the cause up for lost. “Look, my friend. Yours is the pathway which leads to the domain of Lou Bega, the ‘Left Behind’ novels and, ultimately George McGovern.”

“Who?” the female asked in response, much to my chagrin.

I could bear no more, and rapidly spun on my heels and sped away at a walk that verged on something more along the lines of a panic-stricken run.

As I opened the door to the stairwell in hopes of finding my way back to my own room, to my own bed, I heard her shout in the distance, “I liked the ‘Left Behind’ novels!”

The lovely, warm waters of the shower, and not my plush pillow, was what touched my perennially-furrowed brow next. Nonetheless I did eventually make my way to bed after no small amount of grousing hopelessly from one hall to the next in search of my own room, and after a malevolent R.A. aided me in the process. My Taiwanese roommate had been of no use; he failed to stir when I beat upon the door and shouted and urged him to open it. The next morning he had no recollection whatsoever of my labeling him “a treacherous Maoist” upon my re-entry to the room. This, I felt, was probably a good thing.

Was this the fate I was meant to bear? Was this the rightful end to such a wonderfully introspective late-night fight? And which conflict, and eventual victory, meant more? The victory in Halo 2, or the victory over my urges to give in to the wiles of that flirtatious creature and plead for her cellular phone number?

Was I truly meant to cap off such tremendous strides of progress in such a way?

Winston Smith would never approve.

So, before I got Guitar Hero for my birthday I had only played it a handful of times. Yes, yes, I know, I spent the past year or two living under a rock when it comes to video games, but that’s what nursing school does to you. A few months ago I tried it at a friend’s house, but after miserably failing I quit playing after just one attempt and didn’t give it a second thought for some time. When my best friend moved into her new apartment though, her roommate had Guitar Hero 2 for Play Station 2, sadly the only system I own as well. After many nights of playing till 4 in the morning and smoking copious amounts I decided I had to own it for myself. I ended up finding the Guitar Hero 3 bundle on walmart.com for only $39.95.

Having now played the game for a few weeks I decided to read the other review of the game on GamePartisan. Needless to say, I don’t think the reviewer had much taste for the game. But, hey, why not make an argument for it? First things first, if you don’t know how to play it’s like Dance Dance Revolution with a guitar instead of your feet. You have to hit each note, as well as “strum” the guitar-shaped controller, as it comes down to the bottom of the screen on the scrolling guitar neck. There are 5 notes total, and as you increase in the difficulty of the game you use more and more notes and more and more combinations. For example, in easy there are only green, red, and yellow notes (the first 3); while medium adds the blue, 4^th, note and hard the orange, 5^th.

There are three different modes of the game. Career is the obvious single player choice where you can create your own “band” (even though it’s really just you playing the guitar with other random people singing and playing with you). As you play through each set of songs you have to play the “extra” encore song or beat the boss to move on to the next set. Playing earns you money, and beating each set earns you money from sponsorships. My favorite part is unlocking all the extra characters and using your money to buy them. Or you can buy new guitars, new finishes for your guitars, new songs, new outfits, and new styles. The characters aren’t that exciting, but with the endless choice of guitars and outfits/styles there is bound to be something that matches your taste. Mine just happens to be the guy with the mohawk in a skeleton outfit with the blue and white Apollo guitar that is shaped like a star. What can I say, I know it’s a little gay, but the skeleton outfit helps me compensate for it.

Now in order to beat certain points, there are battles like I said before. There are three total: Tom Morello, Slash, and Lou Reed. Normally you earn “Star Points” by hitting certain notes that have star outlines around them. After earning enough star points to charge up your meter if you tilt your guitar up you enter “Star Mode” and the notes all turn a single color and your point value doubles. In battle mode you earn moves instead of star points to use against the person you are battling. And when you tilt your guitar you use moves to mess them up. They can use moves against you too of course, moves like making the difficulty go up one level or doubling notes or messing up one of your buttons. It’s fun and challenging, and adds a little more dimension to the game. The only bad thing is that it leaves you longing for more. I wish there was a section where all you could do was battle different characters played by the system, that would at least add an “arcade-style” element to the game.

The other two modes are free play, where you can just play any songs you want, as long as they have been previously unlocked in career mode, and record your high scores. This is fun of course for when your friends are over and everyone is playing. Beating each other’s high scores is always a competition that can last well into the night, and it gives you something to beat once everyone has left. We all know of that one friend who comes over and gets like 100% on expert. At least there’s a goal to work towards, right? Then there is multiplayer mode. I only really get to play this when I go to my friend’s apartment, since there is the extra guitar there. Even though I don’t get to play it often, it makes it worth it a billion times over.

We started our own band, which we named Nim after our favorite little creature from NBC’s short-lived show Surface. Now, it’s really neat because one person gets to play the bass line, and the other gets to play lead. So adding that onto all the fun that you get in individualizing both of your characters to make the band it makes it worth playing multiplayer with your friends. You can also play battle mode, where you battle each other instead of just playing with each other. This is the part that really gets us all up jumping around while we are playing, because you don’t just finish the song to win – you have to make the person mess up enough times so that they die. Sounds like fun, right? Of course it is. Playing different moves on each other, and making the other person mess up is a riot. We sat there for hours making alliances with each other to no longer use moves against each other, only to renounce them minutes later followed by intense rounds of laughter as the other person messed up beyond belief.

The graphics of the game aren’t bad, especially for the PS2. I am sure on the PS3 and Wii they are even better. But, at the same time, it’s not like you need that amazing of graphics to enjoy the game since it’s mostly just hitting notes. At the same time, the brightly color coordinated notes help you learn the game and always makes for a stunning visual. The different outfits and styles again help with the individuality of the experience and the graphical presentation.

Guitar Hero is a simple game, I will give you that. But, what did you expect from it? Going into it you knew that’s what you were buying. Granted, there were a few extra things I might have liked to see in the game, but overall it well-exceeded my expectations. Right now I am trying to beat the game on medium, and I know that once I do I will continue to play until I beat it on hard; then we’ll see about expert. More than that though, it’s something I play every single day. Whether it’s after work, before I go to work as a pick-me-up, or before bed to just relax. It’s fun and gratifying, and c’mon you get to act like you are really playing the guitar with the kick ass controller. Seriously, what other game had a controller this cool? The last game with a cool controller was Duck Hunt, and it’s been years since I’ve had a go at that goddamn laughing dog. It’s also something I play with my friends all the time. People are always coming over to my apartment now to hang out, watch movies, and of course play guitar hero. Even when we are going out to do something else, when my friends stop by to pick me up they always come in to play some guitar hero. I’m sure after a while I will get tired of the songs, but there are like 70 songs total; not to mention the numerous other games that are out: Guitar hero 1 and 2, Hits of the 80’s, Aerosmith, and god knows what other sequels are yet to grace store shelves. It is definitely a great investment that I am happy my parents made for me. It’s probably going to end up being the game I play most of all my games, second maybe only to Goldeneye for 64.

Out of 10 I would give Guitar Hero an 8.5. Arguably, it is a party game – like Mario Party, Mario Kart, Dance Dance Revolution, or Mortal Combat. Something that can be played alone, but most enjoyed with multiple players. With the new online gaming, I am pretty sure you can now play against other people online. Yet, this party game can stand by itself as a fun single player game that I will enjoy for a long time to come. The great thing about Guitar Hero is that it is timeless in the sense that even after you beat it you can go back to it. Well after I move on to other games I will still come back to Guitar Hero between games as well as when friends come over to play it and hang out. I am definitely satisfied, and recommend it to all my friends. Finding it on sale now is easy as cake online.

A few more hopes I have for the sequels include being able to load your own songs onto the game and play them. Or at least having the company come out with expansion packs or something where they release sets of extra songs of different genres. They could have country packs, modern rock packs, alternative rock packs, pop packs, oldies packs, etc. That right there would lead to an infinite sales possibility and also more fun for the players. When I play Guitar Hero, one of the things I love most is that fact that I get to liste